Show & Tell: The Britney Spears Asana Takeover

In Show & Tell, we take a deep dive into CSG cultural happenings and phenomena with a strong investigative eye and the kind of attention to detail that can only be cultivated through hours of bingeing true crime and serial killer content. In our pilot episode, Brooke Wylie, creative director, amateur gumshoe and pop culture aficionado, provides a thorough examination into an important chapter in CSG’s history — embattled pop icon Britney Spears’ meteoric rise and short-lived reign as CSG’s queen of Asana.

Image: Zoe Abels

They say life comes at you pretty fast. In the hallowed halls of CSG, that’s true. To wit, see the events of one quiet November afternoon that saw a single Zoom message upend the aesthetics of our Asana experience for days. 

When Candace Warren shared her son’s latest quip with a message thread that’s morphed into a virtual watercooler, she couldn’t have known what she would set in motion. But as it turns out, nostalgia for the often embattled pop icon is more diverting than client work. Particularly on a quarantine Thursday one week before Thanksgiving.

At 3:44, Candace pinged the group.

From CSG and The Studio, it’s Show & Tell — One agency happening, broken down piece-by-piece, documented for all time. I’m Brooke Wylie.

What followed was 32 minutes for the rest of our lives.

Not with A Whimper, But with A Bang

The reaction to Graydon’s comedically perfect declaration was swift accumulation of “OMG,” “King shit” and other expressions of admiration. But it took only one “speaking of Britney” segue and a Reface clip to bring the conversation around to the simple fact that we should all be Britney all the time. The grandest schemes involved everyone attending a work event as Britney and a Britney-themed Halloween party. But as is so often the case, the simplest answer was the best one.

Less than 10 minutes after the quip was dropped, Molly Anderson floated the suggestion that no one could resist. “Maybe our new Asana pictures should be our favorite Britneys.”

The first off the mark to become Britney was Kayla Weimer, who did the damn thing almost before the rest of the group could get their YASes out.

But why was the process of choosing her one true Britney so simple for Weimer when the rest of the group was in agony comparing and contrasting the virtues of Lucky Britney to the vices of 2007 Brit?

She had already been thinking about it. “I went with Sporty Brit. I like to live my best athleisure life even when it’s not quarantine, so I feel like it’s the Brit I most closely identify with,” she explained. “I honestly can’t take all of the credit because Todd sent me a reface app video of me in Baby One More Time and it legit got me thinking about whether or not I needed the red track pants and yellow sports bra lewk in my life for real.”

Not that Weimer asked for input, but, survey says, YES, she 100 percent does need that look. And it wouldn’t be the first time Weimer patterned her appearance after the former Mousekeeter. “I clearly remember when her first CD came out and I was most certainly influenced to cut my hair exactly like hers.”

Brit Goes Gold

The initial wave of Britneys was live by 3:55. It’s a testament to the fact that CSGers really do live and die by Asana that by 3:58 Kyleigh McGrail had taken note and registered her approval. Hannah Triem wasted no time taking the movement wider. “I told her to change her profile pic to Britney and not ask questions.”

Others were less willing to become Britney on just the word of a friend. Shannon Fern had questions.

Just after 4 o’clock she clocked the new face of CSG’s Asana and immediately started knocking on virtual doors for answers.

“I saw you [Brooke] and then Hannah,” Fern said. “And then I remember looking in the left column and seeing a row of Britneys next to a client.”

But if she expected an easy answer, she didn’t find one. Instead, her source, this author, demanded tribute for information. Become Britney too, I told her, and I’ll tell you why it’s happening.

Over the next 10 minutes, she weighed her options and did what she had to do.

Shannon Fern was one of the first to take notice of the takeover and one of the most motivated to make sense of it.

The Unlikeliest Britney

Moments after Shannon Fern walked away from her investigation, wiser, and with a Toxic Britney profile picture, another of CSG’s leading luminaries became.

This time it was none other than Steven Shapiro.

Eyebrows were raised. Who convinced him? And what on earth was he doing in Asana?

None other than Daniela Silva Riera persuaded our fearless leader to join the movement. A feat that was easier than one might imagine. She simply made the request. Never one to disappoint people who will only annoy him more if they don’t get what they want, Shapiro joined in. 

He chose Baby Britney and he made the change with an ease that suggested his occasional claims about not knowing how to use Asana are more convenient than factual.

Still, CSG has a love of asking why for a reason. And by 4:16, Shapiro, now with innocent young Britney as his avatar, asked Anderson exactly WHY he was Britney. The answer, of course, was the simple mischief of a child. But the truth is that a lesser icon wouldn’t have caught on so.

MacKellar Makes the Most of It

Love her or hate her, Britney is an irreplaceable part of the zeitgeist. And though Peter MacKellar missed the moment she swept through Asana, he did eventually see the change. And with no colleagues at hand to supply answers, he spent a portion of the evening discussing just WTF was happening with his wife — over beers and smoked meats from his Traeger, of course.

By 10:07, he knew he had to know the truth. And so he went to the Bothering Peter chain — it’s real and it ostensibly exists to ask Peter questions about his constantly changing clients, but it’s mostly just having a chat at everyone’s favorite Patagonia influencer — and aired his question.

“Not important right now … but what’s up with everyone using Britney pics on Asana?”

Undeterred by attempts to feign ignorance, he pressed, “Seriously, I’m super confused.” But was less skeptical of the conditions to gain answers and quite happily became Britney and JT. Because “That jean dress/suit combo was pretty much peak 90s.” 

And in the interest of doing justice by the bit, MacKellar doggedly referred to everyone as Britney in Asana. That day and for days to come.

The End of an Era

But as Robert Frost wrote, nothing gold can stay. If the Friday that followed the afternoon of becoming Britney proved anything, it’s that we actually do reference Asana photos when handing off work. 

Mild hilarity ensued and it's safe to say more than a few 90s pop playlists were tapped that day. But by 2:04, less than 24 hours after it all started. Steven asked when he could stop being Britney.

And by the time we all disbanded for the winter break, Britney’s brief reign as THE face of CSG was as finished as her deal with Pepsi. 

But the love of the pop icon, and her profundity as a symbol of the year that was 2020 remains. 

“She came back from a horrible time in her life,” Silva Riera said. “She is still out there doing Britney bitch things.” Triem added, “She is the lady liberty of the 2000s.”

And it’s true. While the Ashlee Simpsons, Jojos and even Ashantis have faded into the background and the Kelly Clarksons and Christina Aguileras have gone on to different kinds of fame, Britney still stands apart, a different kind of star than the rest of them.

Weimer put it best. “When someone says Britney, don’t you automatically think of her?”

After all this time? Always.